One step at a time 29

Dear Diary, 

Me: What the hell are you doing?!?! 

He smelled of alcohol, drunk as hell. 

...: From all people? I see you. What a small world 

And he pulled me closer, I kept slamming his chest. Trying to free myself from his tight grasp. 

Me: Aziz let me go!!!! 

Aziz: Oh no honey, you're mine now 


Me: I said let me go!!!! 

I hit him straight across his nose, he cried in pain. But kept his hands wrapped around me. People started staring, but walked as if nothing was happening. Why wasn't anyone helping me? 


Me: What do you want?!

Aziz: You. You left me you bitch, gouleely who'd you meet ha? WHO?! 

Me: You're delusional, Im not like you, a lying ass hole. Let me go la aglb el denya foug ta7at

Aziz: Yallah gelbeeha khanshouf mnu besa3dch, everyone's watching you struggle, but no one's helping 

Me: Tfou 3alaik 

Aziz: You cunt

And he slapped me across my face real hard. I was on the floor, my nose was bleeding, I think. 

...: HED'HA 

I heard a scream, it was Sager

Aziz: Shtaby enta... twakal 3ala allah. malek sheghel

Sager: GELTLK HED'HA 

Aziz: or what mathalan? haha 

Sager hit him so hard, Aziz was shocked, eye's raging. I wanted to yell, say something, but nothing came out. I couldn't speak... All I saw was Aziz trying to punch him back, then someone was lying on the floor next to me

Everything blacked out. 
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I woke up in a hospital bed, with an unfamiliar voice calling my name. 

...: Farah, Farah?? Can you hear me? 

Me: Sager? Shaikha? Where are they?! Did something happen to them?! 

Doctor: Calm down! Im your doctor, Sager is outside waiting. I ordered him not to come in since you needed some rest. You got a nose bleed, nothing serious. You lost some blood but you're alright now el7amdellah. Sager info'd me with all the details. You'll be discharged in a couple of hours, no sudden movements, or extra activities for today... I suggest you use this day as a spa day for you to rest. Sager was concerned whether you were able to make it to the concert tomorrow, but I assured him you'd be just fine as long as you rested today. 

Me: Can I see him please?

Doctor: Sure thing, i'll let him in now

A few seconds later, Sager came in. His shirt had a stains of blood. But he looked fine 

Sager: 7beebti Farah, Im sorry... 

Me: Dont, it's my fault... How'd you know I was in trouble 

Sager: You forgot your Room key card, so I told Shaikha to wait 3ala ma arou7 wa36eech eyah. And when I reached you, I saw that, that wa9ekh holding you like that. I went mad, I probably broke his jaw. And he won't ever bother you again, I assure you that. 

Me: And where's Shaikha now? 

Sager: I told her to go back to the hotel, at first ma rethat, then she realized how stressed I was, and ma kan wakt nejra and she went, she's been calling every 30 min to check up on you. 

Me: Tell her to come! laish ma khalait'ha 

Sager: You needed rest 

he said through gritted teeth 

I stayed there quiet, painting his figure in my mind, trying to remember this beautiful portrait of his. His dirty beard perfect with his tan enhancing his strong jaw.

Sager: Laish t6al3een chthy? Smiling

Me: kaify, a6al3k

Sager: La la chthy ast7yyy 

And he covered his face, acting dalou3 and all... he always knows how to make me laugh 

Me: hahahaha, you're so silly 

Sager: Anything to make you smile

Me: I love you, I really do 

Sager: I know... I love you too, Im never gonna let anything happen to you 

Me: Please let Shaikha come, I wanna see her

Sager: *sigh* not now... you need to rest. 
                How about this? Take a nap, and by the time you wake up btshoufeen         
                shayoukha jdamch, 7lu?

Me: Really? 

Sager: Have I ever backed out on my word? 

Me: Never 

Sager: Good, now sleep tight 


He kissed my forehead resting his hand on my jaw, smiling... he hesitantly made his way to the door, as if not wanting to leave me. 
I doze off and woke up on the voices of Sager and Shaikha whispering to each other... I tried figuring out what they were saying. 

Shaikha: She's gonna be okay?

Sager: Enshallah

Shaikha: I dont wanna loose her Sager 

Sager: Neither do I Shaikha, I wanna spend the rest of my life with her 

Shaikha: And you will 

Sager: Allah kareem 

Their voices sounded broken, I decided to show them I was alright, energetic, healthy. Even though I knew every organ in me was slowly dying. 

Me: IM UPPPPP 

Shaikha: FARAAAHHHH! 

She came over to my bedside and gave me a bone crushing hug 

Me: Yuba ma9ar feeny shay! Im alright! The dr said Im free to go in a hour or so 

Shaikha: Kheft 3alaichhhhhh 

Me: Agoulch mafeeny ella el 3afya, stop over exaggerating you guys! It's just a nose bleed! 

Shaikha: El kalb Sagoor makhalany ayee ma3ah 

Sager: Ana chalb? La a9eedch ya shaikho, lage9 lsanech elli sh6oula 

Shaikha: hehehe, ushh 

Sager: 6aaa33 

A knock on the door interrupted us 

Nurse: e7m, sorry for disturbing you guys, Im Nurse Reem, Im here to help Farah change 

Me: I don't need help 

Nurse: Im afraid the doctor insisted on me helping you... you're too tired

Me: I said Im fine, I don't need your help. I can do it on my own 

Sager: Farah, sm3ay el kalam... yallah shaikha khal ne6la3 

And they left the room 

Nurse Reem helped me get up. I pushed her hand away, I was strong enough 

Nurse: Please Ms Farah let me help

Me: FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME I CAN GET UP ON MY OWN! IM NOT A KID. LEAVE ME ALONE 

The second I was on my feet, my legs let me down... I collapsed on the floor, crying vulnerably on the cold lifeless white ground

Nurse: Shhh my baby, shhhh... everything's going to be alright, just take it one step at a time

Me: Im losing everything, I can't even walk *sniff sniff* 

Nurse: What's important is in here 

And she pointed her finger on my heart

Nurse: Don't ever lose what's in here. Always... always have this strong big heart. With every punch you get, with every stab, with ever set back. Make that the reason for your heart to pump harder, louder. Never give up my dear, ever.

Life was never on how long you get to live in no, life is much more than that, life is on how you spend it. 

She wiped my tears away, and helped me get dressed, and pushed me out the door with a wheelchair. And whispered in my ear 

Nurse: Strength was never on the outside. Strength always lies within. And I can tell you this baby girl, you're one of the strongest girls I've met, may god bless you 

I gave her a tight hug, she stayed there smiling, watching me as they pushed me with my wheelchair outside the hospital