One Step At A Time 13

Dear Diary,

The days past by, and still no word from dad after the incident. I honestly could care less. I didn't want anything to do with him, he was just a stranger to me. Ma a3trf eb ubou nafsa, la2ana he doesn't deserve to be called a father.... Today was my appointment with Dr. Talal... on my way to the hospital, I put my iPod on shuffle, and ironically For the love of a daughter- Demi Lovato was playing... I listened to the lyrics, and felt a deep pain, and disappointment. You see the song goes like this

Four years old with my back to the door

All I could hear was the family war

Your selfish hands always expecting more

Am I your child or just a charity ward

You have a hollowed out heart

But its heavy in your chest 

I try so hard to fight it 

But its hopeless

Oh father, 

Please father, 

Id love to leave you alone 

But I can't let you go

Oh father 

Please father

Put the bottle down 

for the love of a daughter

Oh It's been five years

Since we've spoken last,And you can't take backWhat we never hadOh, I can be manipulatedOnly so many timesBefore even I love youStarts to sound like a lieDon't you rememberI'm your baby girlHow could you push me out of your worldLie to your flesh and your bloodPut your hands on the ones that you swore you lovedDon't you rememberI'm your baby girlHow could you throw me right out of your worldSo young when the pain had begunNow forever afraid of being loved


the tears slowly started streaming down my face ever so silently. And before I knew it...



Mama: we9alna 7beebti 


I quickly wiped, and sniffed away all the tears. I got out of the car and slowly walked my way to the hospital... Making our way down to the Dr's room, I bumped into something hard. I looked up, it was this tall handsome guy, he had these black sad eyes, that could make anyone stare at them for hours. His hair was a total mess, with a small scar next to his eyebrow. I wasn't in the mood for anything, so I was kinda rude to him. 



Me: Ent shnu? 3amay? matshouf?

...: ehya elli da3matny wm39ba, laaa ou tsameeny 3amay ba3ad. 

Me: ifffffft 

....: shfeech et2af2feen eb wayhi? etha your having a bad day mu ye3ni t9eereen jleelat el7aya to people 

Me: 6a33 hathaaa


And he just left. Diary you don't know how mad I was when he said that. Enshallah mayshouf nafsa 3lay, la ou ashkara eegi6ha eb wayhi, na3am! I walked my way towards Dr.Talal's room. A sudden gloomy feeling filled the place. The hospital was such a sad melancholy place. I hated it, the walls painted white. It was so lifeless. almost... dead



Dr.Talal: Hala farah, shlounch, shakhbarech?


Me: mashi el7al Dr. 


Dr.Talal: lets get to the chase. There are 4 general types of leukemia, 2 acute ones that need aggressive chemotherapy sessions which are called acute myeloid leukemia (AML) and acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL) and 2 chronic ones that take a slower amount of time for the cancer cells to spread are called chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL) and chronic myelogenous leukemia (CML)


Me: What are you implying exactly?

 
Dr.Talal: Well...  you have acute myeloid leukemia to be exact. And we have to start chemo therapy right away. 


Me: and by right away you mean?


Dr.Talal: Im afraid we have to start today. 



I took a deep breathe. I just didn't want to show anyone I was weak. I sniffed away the tears that were about to come streaming down my face. And headed to the Chemo room. I went inside and sat there, alone, facing 4 white dull walls. with nothing to do.


Dr. Talal: you might need a book, or anything to entertain you


Me: Why?

Dr.Talal: cause your going to be sitting there for the next 2 hours


Me: What?! Are you kidding me? Dr. ana mu fathya ag3ad mny 7ag sa3tain

Mama: 7beebti Farah, 3shany 

Me: ugh, fine mom 

Mama: 7yaty wallah 


Thank god I had my iPod with me. I sat there waiting for the nurse to come in so she could inject me with that poison... she put the needle in and slowly started pushing it in. It burned. But I kept clenching my fist, I stayed like that, for the next to hours, listening to music till my time was up 


The first day passed by, I felt okay... but a little tired though... up until it was my second day... I literally felt exhausted! I stayed like that for almost 2 weeks. All I did was rest in bed. I couldn't move, every inch of my body hurt. I cried from how exhausted I felt, every time someone came for a visit, I would ask them to go away, mazajy kan 7ail zeft. Ou I looked like crap, I really didn't want anyone seeing me in the state. But I could tell from now, this is going to be one hell of a journey...