One Step At A Time 22

Dear Diary,

I kept taking monthly doses of chemotherapy. Every session was worse than the other. I actually had company with me today, a young girl named Shaikha, she was 13 years old, she was a sweet person. She was bald with no hair whatsoever, not on her face, wela on her head. But surprisingly, that didn't bother her.


Shaikha: Men meta wentay eb hal 7ala?


Me: A few months


Shaikha: embayen your a newbie 


Me: Shadarach?


Shaikha: Cause unlike me, your hair is still here. 


Me: Laish entay shkether 9arlech 


Shaikha: 2 years in counting, it just never seems to fade away 


Me: Enzain lets talk about something else, something fun! 


Shaikha: Hahaha okay!


And we kept talking for the next 2 hours till the session was over. And it was time for us to leave. I was waiting for the driver to come pick me up, what took him so long? Shaikha called her brother and told him to come a little late seeing that she wouldn't leave me here all alone. 15 min later and the driver still didn't arrive. 


Shaikha: tabeen age6ech el bait?


Me: Laaa laaa, ka al7een elsayeg beyee


Shaikha: tg9een 3ala mnu, you've been saying that for the past 30 min, yallah mu bkaifch get your stuff ana badeg gala ukhouy wagoula eyeee


I took my stuff and waited till ekhouha yah and got in the car


Shaikha: khan a3arfech 3ala ukhouy 


And her brother turned around and it was HIM!! God have mercy! Lai meta, me and him started laughing our asses off, this was too ironic 


Shaikha: haw shfeekum? Did I miss something?


Me: No, you didn't miss anything


Shaikha: You know my brother?


...: Lel2asaf eeh a3arfha 


Shaikha: Laish tgoul lel asaf ya 7mar 


Me: Mind me, but I have never met a more annoying brother like yours


...: eee7a9elech 3ad


Shaikha: Sager, Farah! Shfeekum?


Me: Hahahaha nothing


Sager: Kelesh nothing ha?? 


Shaikha: Next time we have chemo betgouleenly elsalfa


Sager's face turned pale. He just realized that I was in a hospital that treated cancer.


Sager: Farah? You have cancer?


Shaikha: Laaa yal 9aida 3yal laish kanat weyay. 


Me: Yes 

Sager's POV

I remembered the day when I bumped into her in the hospital, and when she was forced to sleep in a hospital in Dubai, and how much she got affected when Wahab died. It all made sense, why was I so stupid, all the signs were right in front of me, and I never realized it, we both knew we had a lot we wanted to say, bss we couldn't la2ana shaikha was here. The second me and Farah are alone, Im gonna confront her. Why didn't she tell me? 

Back to Farah's POV 

I remembered when I bumped into him in the hospital, and how much he understood me when it came to Wahab. I can't believe ma galy ena his sister had cancer, he had a lot of explaining to do, But why didn't he tell me? 

I went back home and started combing my hair, it was so kesha... Suddenly strands of my hair started falling on the ground. It kept getting more khafeef everyday. I was worried that by the end of this month, and by the time mom's wedding occurs, I would be well, hairless. I took the hair and throwed it in the garbage, hiding it with a bunch of tissues on top of it, I didn't want anyone to know that I was loosing my hair. The attention I had was over bearing. 

One Step At A Time 21

Dear Diary,

I went back to Kuwait, with my family and friends greeting me in the airport. Shahad and Noura ran into me giving me the most bone crushing hug. 

Shahad: We missed you so much!!


Noura: Eeeeh, umbay 6afech wayed wayed?


Shahad: OOOSSH SEKTAAAY!!


Me: Haw shelsalfa?


Shahad: Malat 3laich, 7aljech hatha mat3arfeen tsdeena! YUMAA BENTECH GALAT ENA FEEH SHAY


Mom gave Noura a hit on a head, and turned to me and smiled


Noura: Ouch.


Shahad: Chub testahlain


Mama: Hala 7beebti, how was your vacation


Me: So Much for a vacation bss el7amdellah... enzain shelsalfa! Goulouly, ma7eb chthy


Mama: well... I kind of, got engaged


Me: WHAAAAAATTTT!!! MNUUU?? METAAA?? LAISHH MA GELTEELY???


Mama: Remember lam an gelteely that Im gonna find my prince charming eb hal 3ers specifically? Well I did, I was once a married man, then allah yer7amha murta matat while giving birth, and so did the child. He's been a widow ever since. Akbar mny in a year and he comes from a good family. I got everyone's approval on this, Im just waiting for yours 3shan namlech sometime in the next month. We wanna do it fast just in case your dad decides to make a riot. 


Me: Mom are you kidding? Im more than just okay with this! GO FOR IT!!! Im so happy for you! 


I was more than happy for my mom, finally I can see my mom smile, and actually mean it. For once in years, she would have someone to sleep next to, without feeling lonely every now and then

One Step At A Time 20

Dear Diary,


All I want is to hear his giggles, and see his face, and hold his small hands. Cause I still remember his last goodbye. Laying in bed with tears filling my eyes, each drop slowly falling across my cheek. I spent my days cooped up in the hotel, looking through the pictures that I had with him. His beautiful smile, his phobia for barber shops, his chuckle, his small hand imprinted right on my heart. Wahab. So innocent, so pure, so white-hearted, yet. So heartbreaking. His eyes had fire in them, passion, hope. Even though he knew that these were his last days, he still fought, and boy was he a fighter. He's the reason why I'm going to keep going, and I won't give up. Until I fight this bitch.  I heard a knock on the door and it was Wahaby's mom. 


Um Wahab: Salam Ou 3laikum 


Me: Wa3alaikum el salam 


She looked awful, it was like looking at myself in the mirror. We both looked really tired with puffy eyes. She had a few papers and a book in her hand. Putting them aside on the table, one of the papers fell on the floor, I picked it up. And it was a drawing, but I knew this drawing too well. It was Wahab's. 


Um Wahab: I want you to have these drawings. And this book. It belonged to Wahab, you can look through them when Im gone, I just can't bare seeing what he drew a few days ago, knowing that I won't see his Yellow sun on the corner of his drawing book, or his human hands made out of flowers. or his stick people drawings.  Knowing that his colored pencils, and clothes aren't scattered all around the house. Knowing that I won't nag all day till he finally decides to take his medicines. Knowing that I won't here his cry's of pain cause of the leukemia. It's like the house is dead. No laughs echoing through the house. No glasses and plates breaking "on there own". No more scribbles all over the wall 


And she suddenly burst into tears, covering her face with her hands. I held her tight trying to comfort her, but she just kept crying. I felt the urge in bursting into tears with her, but I just couldn't, I had to stay strong. I patiently waited till she calmed down. Until I spoke up.



Me: Im sorry but I can't take this, entay awla feehum 


Um Wahab: Wallah takhtheenhum, I insist, I gave them to you for a reason, you'll know later on when you look the pictures. All of them include you. Don't worry I have a lot more. But I just thought my baby wanted you to have them.


Me: Thankyou so much, it means a lot 


Um Wahab: It's just that, I finally feel relieved, knowing that he's not suffering. you know? 


Me: I know what you mean 


Um Wahab: *sniff sniff* I have to go now, I just came here to give you the... well, the drawings, and thank you, for all the things you helped him with him, its true that he's known you for a few days, but you impacted him a lot, and I saw a little spark in his eyes, that I haven't seen in a while. 


Me: I loved him, and it goes both ways ya Um Wahab, deeray balech, ou allah ee7afthech wey3awthech enshallah 


Um Wahab: It true, enshallah allah ee3awethny, but no baby will ever be like Wahaby. 


Me: Allah ee9abrech, ma3alaih 


And she left, leaving me with his drawings, and diary. I just stayed like that for the next 2 hours, looking through the drawings, and reading his diary. 7beebi kela spelling mistakes, ou badleyat. 

I needed fresh air, I put on my trousers and a shirt. Took my huge black glasses to cover my messed up face, and puffy eyes, and went to the jam3eya to get me 7alaw and kakaw. Just my luck:) Sager. I passed by him well chny shefta. 


Sager: Farah is that you?


Me: eeeh. 


Sager: Shfeech? Laish chthy wayhech chna a7ad 9afgech buksat hahahah


Me: Na3am? Staghfarallah na3am? Na3am? NA3AAM!?? Shtaby mnashebny! eeeh a7ad 9afegny buks! Eeeh 9afgeeny kfouf ba3ad! Ou msharsh7eeny! El denya khalatny baiza ma aswa, hatha elli kent taby tesma3a? Khala9 wakher 3an wayhy. And unintentionally I fell on his arms, crying. 


Sager: Ussshhh, faaraah, uussssh, shfeeech?? 


Me: *crying* I... I just can't 


Sager: Calm down, I can't understand a word your saying... Farah please don't cry


And he wiped the tears from my eyes. Slowly caressing my hair, and lifting it off of my face. And I just poured my heart out, telling him about Wahab, telling him about everything. But I left the " me having cancer" part out of the subject. I just didn't want him to know. He calmed me down southing me with his comforting words. Telling me everything is going to be alright. And surprisingly, it sounded so convincing coming from him. He spent the rest of the day annoying me and 6afering me, with his fail knock knock jokes. And me etde3iying 3layh, and him making fun of me. You know, even with our constant fighting and te6enez gala ba3ath, oh and his ANNOYING personality, I still have fun. weird ay?

One Step At A Time 19

Dear Diary, 


I got discharged from the hospital the next day, later on that night, I got a phone call from mother. 


Mama: Hala 7beebti, shlounech, hows everything going? 


My sisters: Yeah we all miss you *yelling* 


Me: Hey you guys, everything's going great! 


Mama: Meta nawya trj3een Kuwait?


Me: Mama, I'd like to stay a little longer, I met this cute kid named Abdulwahab. He's 4 years old, he has leukemia too. I don't know why, bss I got attached to him.


Mama: Khala9 7beebti, do you want me to give u an extra 4 days?


Me: Yeah please. 


Mama: considerate it done. 


Me: Thank you beautiful thaang 


Mama: Your welcome sexy thaang woot wooot 


Me: No. Mom, no *laughing*


Mama: Oh well, it was worth the try. Okay farah, ana based al7een... Waray 3ers, tamreen 3ala shay?


Me: Yeah mama, salamtech and have fun. Oh and mom? When will you find your real prince charming and get married soon? 


I felt the sadness in my mom's voice. 


Mama: Mnu beyetzawejny? Im just a old mother.


Me: Your an old sexy mother, and not any mother. Your my mother. I bet you, elaila you will find your prince charming. Bad3eelech today 


Mama: Hahahaha, farah you silly child. I won't


Me: We'll see 


And I closed the phone from my mom,  and prayed with all my heart, that mom finds the perfect guy for her. That eventually will love her. And care for her, and show her how beautiful she is. After that I threw on my shorts, and shirt. And went to take little Wahaby to the beach. We spent the day lying next to each other, watching the sunset softly reflecting its rays on the water. 


Me: You know little wahoob, there's a quote Ive been using a lot these days. Its by Sarah Kay "there is nothing more beautiful that the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it's sent away" that's how me and you should be. Promise me you'll never give up, and you'll keep fighting till the day the ocean stops kissing that shoreline. No matter how many twisters, no matter how many floods, no matter how rainy days. You'll always find the rainbow within that day. 


Wahab: Farah, whats wrong? Ofcourse I'll fight, don't worry I won't let the barber guy touch my hair ever again. And I'll even put what my mom puts on her hair, kherwe3. 


Me: Hahahahahahaha, you know I love you wahoobz? 


Wahab: And I love you too 


I gave him the most tightest hug ever, and whispered in his ear


Me: You are one hell of a soldier. 


Wahab: I'll never let you go. I'll always be here. 



And he put his hand on my heart. His little hand fit perfectly on my chest. I could see little blue blotches on his hand. I traced them with my finger and held his hand into mine. I dropped him to the hospital later on. 



Wahab: Your coming back tomorrow 9a7?


Me: First thing tomorrow 


Wahab: I love you Faroo7. 


Me: I love you too 


I went to his room the next morning, I found the bed empty, with white sheets. I called the nurse real quick.


Me: Where's Wahab?!! WHERE IS HE? 


The nurse: 3a6ach 3umrah 


I held the white sheets so tight. I looked under the bed, hoping he'd be hiding under it like every time, waiting to scare me. But no... He wasn't there. I could see the heart machine, with a straight line. No heartbeat. No nothing. I kept hugging his blue pillow, made especially for him, and his teddy bear was still on the side of his bed. I took it and hugged it so tight. 

One Step at A Time 18

Dear Diary,


I woke up in a hospital bed. Trying to remember what happened yesterday, it all came back to me... There was this baby boy on a trolly, apparently he fainted and the sight of him was too heartbreaking. Then suddenly everything blacked out... What happened?


Dr: Hello Farah


Me: Hey, what happened?


Dr: You were found between the crowd on the floor. Do you have any diseases, disorders?


Me: Yeah, I have leukemia



The Dr's face suddenly changed expressions, it was the same face that everyone put on once I say I have leukemia. The "poor her, I feel sorry for her face". God, when will people look at me normally? Tara wallah 7ali mn 7alhum. 


Dr.: Oh Im sorry to hear that, may god be with you. Are you taking treatments? 


Me: its okay don't worry, yeah chemo therapy 


Dr: Okay, so your gonna stay here for the night so we can make sure, your blood pressure is stable. I have to go now, I got a patient found on the floor earlier today, apparently he got a asthma attack. 


Me: Goodluck on that, okay. 


I kept thinking over and over.... no. It couldn't be. There's no way. Or could it? I decided to walk around the hospital corridors, and I found him laying on the bed, with a respirator around his mouth. He looked pale. I decided to pass by quickly so he couldn't see me, since the door was wide open. 


Sager: Farah?


Dammit, it didn't work. Kela mn el drip they had next to me. I had to walk around with it. 


Me: Ummm, yeah?


Sager: Shda3wa matgouleen salamat?


Me: I think it goes both ways?


Sager looked at her. He just noticed the hospital clothes on her, and the drip rack walking around with her. He looked appalled. 


Sager: Farah? Shfeech?


Me: Nothing. 6e7t ghashyana 


Sager: Laissh????


Me: Haw shnu laish, bss, enta shfeek?


Sager: ahaaa, enshouf el nas gamat ts2al ou thtam?


Me: Ya thegel damek wai3, yalaitny ma se2alt


Sager: Hahahaha, mafeeny shay, bss ana feeny rabou, ou I get asthma attacks. Apparently wa7da 3adeemat 7sas shafatny 3al arth choking ou ma hamha. Meshat ou hadatny 


Guilt spread over every inch of my body like wild fire. I left him like this? B-b-buut its not my fault. I thought he was kidding? I thought it was one of his stupid pranks. I looked down ashamed.


Me: Im sorry, I thought you were playing one of your stupid pranks on me. 


Sager: shda3wa 3adi, gouleeli entay shlounch, do you faint often?


Me: Im okay, ummm... you can say so 


Sager: La2anech ma takleen sheftay nafsech 3a9aya! You look like a ghost. 


Ghost means I look dead. Haha, how ironic, Im gonna end up dead anyways. Akkh ya Sager if only you knew. 


Me: Agoul, 3adal 7altek el kaseefa, mashallah shouf nafsek awal 


Sager: Hahahaahaha, ana 3andy 3ether, entay ma3andech ya baba 


Me: Waaai3, esharha 3lay, madre laish radait 3laik blasas, Im gonna go to the arcade room, beats el ga3da ma3ak


Sager: ee7a9elech bss, farjay yallah farjay 


Me: Dream onnnnnn



I went to the arcade room I saw all sorts of sick people, mostly cancer patients just like myself. I looked at a kid just 4 years old, playing in the sand box. He had no hair whatsoever, and he was... happy. He captured my eye. A kid, younger than me in years, is happy. Even with everything going on in his life. Even with the pain he feels, even with struggles he's going through. I can see it in his eyes. He is a true fighter. I went up to him, and we started making a sand castle together. Turned out his name was Abdulwahab. 


Me: haa wahoob shrayek bl sand castle?


Wahab: Laman akbar basawy nafsa, bss mn cement, mama showed me how. Im gonna live there, and your going to live with me. You'll be the queen and I'll be the king. Nothing can hurt us. Its going to be our protecter. All the bad things out there can never come in, no one can take away my hair, can take away my body, my everything. I'll be the most hairiest guy alive. And I'll never shave, i'll be called Mr Hairy Man *laughing* 


I started laughing, the innocence in him, was... breathtaking. He was one beautiful little boy. 

One Step At A Time 17

Dear Diary,


I passed by Sager ever so coldly, not giving him the slightest attention... he looked pale, I saw him reach out to his pocket to get a his inhaler. He has asthma? Mayloug kelesh. Wait... Why do I care? Enshallah yekhteneg till his face turns blue. Akher hamy. He looked at me and gave me this half hearted smile I glared at him and turned away. 



Sager: Faraah! Lai meta, ye3ni te2asaftlech shda3waa....


Me: way3araf, latkalemny, wakher 3any 


Sager: Enzain 6al3eeny?


Me: cheba7 wayh sha6ale3 feek 



Suddenly I heard a loud thump. And Chick boom legaita 6aye7 3al arth. I rolled my eyes at him, it was probably one of his silly pranks.



Me: Goum bss goum, 3an el dagat 


He didn't wake up 


Me: Tara ashkara daga goum! wela agoulk latgoum, khalek ga3ed 



I left him there lying on the ground expecting it to be one of his lame pranks. Since he had no limits, I would expect anything from him. On my way to the cafe, I bumped into an old family friend, Fahad. 



Me: Omg Fahad is that you?



Fahad: Farah? Its been so long! How are you?


Me: Excuse me? Madre mnu ge6a3. Im good and you?


Fahad: Affaaa ana ga6e3? 7aram 3laich, I used to send you messages all the time, you never answered, so I thought maybe kentay ga3d tasrfeeny 



You see, I was close friends with Fahad mn ana 9gheera, up until his parents decided to work in america, so we got separated at the age of 14. Haha, I used to remember days where his mom and my mom would always say, that Fahad is gonna be my future husband, and we would both go like "EWW" I had a lot of fun memories with him. 



Me: What messages? I never got any messages?


Fahad: Haw shfeech, frai7 kent kela a6areshlech


Me: Mn ay raqam?



He pulled out his phone and showed me the number. 



Me: Fahad, can you be any more stupid?


Fahad: shfeech? Shsawait al7een?


Me: Don't you remember when I changed my number? and I gave it to you, bss you never got to save it on your phone cause you forgot it bel shalaih?


Fahad: eeeeh 9aaaaaaaaaa77, enzain yallah 3a6eeny raqmech ou rej3ay el hotel te2akhar el wakt, I'll talk to you on whatsapp, and we'll catch up


Me: okaaay, take care, byeee 


Fahad: Ne6raay 


Me: Shnu?


Fahad: I missed you so much btw 


Me: *chuckle* me too fahad, bye



I went back to the hotel an hour later with the sounds of an ambulance, I could hear whispers in the crowd


"Umbay maskeen they found him there, egouloun he was in this state for the past hour"


"I feel sorry for the poor kid, it was life threatening you know"


I felt curious and pushed my way through the crowd trying to take a peak at who the person was. I turned around and he was on the trolly. Laying there, looking all vulnerable and sick.





Now who that he is, well your going to find out later on in my next post. I am SO SO SO SORRY for the delay, adre hal mara wayed 6awalt 3laikum

One Step At A time 16

Dear Diary, 



It was a hot sunny day, so I decided to take a swim in Jamairah beach, I put on my bikini and a black 7afar top. Put on my flip-flops and took my large bag with my iPod and a book. I took a dip in the beach for a bit, and got a bit tired so I decided to end my morning with a 2 hour tan, iPod on shuffle, and enjoying my book If Tomorrow comes. 



...: umm, shesmech, goumaayyy 



Turns out I accidentally slept while reading my book. A pair of hands were shaking me trying to wake me up. 



Me: Oh its you. Ou its not shesmech, esmy Farah 


Sager: Wlne3em, Your never grateful are you?


Me: Yn3am b7alek, Mn galek tga3dny a9lan?


Sager: Oh so your telling me you were sleeping on purpose for the past 3 hours right?



Me: Shit. Wetha I slept by accident, ent shaku?


Sager: Khala9 3yal akhaleech tn6abkhain wt9eereen baideyana, a7san? Yallah bye. 



And he walked away... wai3 wai3, enaaaaarfzzzz! Ma awa6en guys like him, thinking he owns it all. I went back to the hotel and took a shower. After a hour of getting ready I asked the front desk for a guide. Its not that I didn't know Dubai, its just that I wanted to explore it even more. I spent my day exploring, going through ally's and streets. Places Ive never seen before. I decided to pamper myself in a spa. It was a mixed place, the spa was open for both men and women. I went into my reserved room to change, suddenly I heard the door lock. I was alone in the room with no one. I heard noise coming from beneath the desk, I looked under and I could see almost 20 cockroaches all over the room. I started screaming and yelling jumping on top of the desk. I HATEDDDDD cockroaches, god!!! I swear to you, Im okay with anything except insects. I stayed locked up for the next 10 minutes the cockroaches so close to my feet, I sat on the corner crying, I was terrified. I heard the door un lock with laughter outside. I ran so fast opening the door crying my eyes.



Sager: Haa shloun el daga


He turned around to face me, and saw my eyes drowning. I just stared at him, tears falling down my face. Sager's face was expressionless. He was so surprised, he never thought I would react that way. 



Sager: ermm, Farah... Ana asef wallah ma kent adre ena chthy be9eer feech



Farah: Akrhhkkk akkrrrhhkkk!!! I H A T E you! Latgareb yami ou malek sheghel feeny fahem! 


Sager: Yuba haday geltlech ana asef, ma kan qa9di. It was just a joke



Farah: ya thegel damek bss. 



I walked pass him, and hit him with my shoulder so hard. I hated him, he was so annoying ou wayed 3abala eetha7k, ya kerh tha7keta bss 3asa throusa kelha tnksr 3shan nshouf shloun beerawy throusa elli shkeburhum. Ameeeeen