One Step At A Time 20

Dear Diary,


All I want is to hear his giggles, and see his face, and hold his small hands. Cause I still remember his last goodbye. Laying in bed with tears filling my eyes, each drop slowly falling across my cheek. I spent my days cooped up in the hotel, looking through the pictures that I had with him. His beautiful smile, his phobia for barber shops, his chuckle, his small hand imprinted right on my heart. Wahab. So innocent, so pure, so white-hearted, yet. So heartbreaking. His eyes had fire in them, passion, hope. Even though he knew that these were his last days, he still fought, and boy was he a fighter. He's the reason why I'm going to keep going, and I won't give up. Until I fight this bitch.  I heard a knock on the door and it was Wahaby's mom. 


Um Wahab: Salam Ou 3laikum 


Me: Wa3alaikum el salam 


She looked awful, it was like looking at myself in the mirror. We both looked really tired with puffy eyes. She had a few papers and a book in her hand. Putting them aside on the table, one of the papers fell on the floor, I picked it up. And it was a drawing, but I knew this drawing too well. It was Wahab's. 


Um Wahab: I want you to have these drawings. And this book. It belonged to Wahab, you can look through them when Im gone, I just can't bare seeing what he drew a few days ago, knowing that I won't see his Yellow sun on the corner of his drawing book, or his human hands made out of flowers. or his stick people drawings.  Knowing that his colored pencils, and clothes aren't scattered all around the house. Knowing that I won't nag all day till he finally decides to take his medicines. Knowing that I won't here his cry's of pain cause of the leukemia. It's like the house is dead. No laughs echoing through the house. No glasses and plates breaking "on there own". No more scribbles all over the wall 


And she suddenly burst into tears, covering her face with her hands. I held her tight trying to comfort her, but she just kept crying. I felt the urge in bursting into tears with her, but I just couldn't, I had to stay strong. I patiently waited till she calmed down. Until I spoke up.



Me: Im sorry but I can't take this, entay awla feehum 


Um Wahab: Wallah takhtheenhum, I insist, I gave them to you for a reason, you'll know later on when you look the pictures. All of them include you. Don't worry I have a lot more. But I just thought my baby wanted you to have them.


Me: Thankyou so much, it means a lot 


Um Wahab: It's just that, I finally feel relieved, knowing that he's not suffering. you know? 


Me: I know what you mean 


Um Wahab: *sniff sniff* I have to go now, I just came here to give you the... well, the drawings, and thank you, for all the things you helped him with him, its true that he's known you for a few days, but you impacted him a lot, and I saw a little spark in his eyes, that I haven't seen in a while. 


Me: I loved him, and it goes both ways ya Um Wahab, deeray balech, ou allah ee7afthech wey3awthech enshallah 


Um Wahab: It true, enshallah allah ee3awethny, but no baby will ever be like Wahaby. 


Me: Allah ee9abrech, ma3alaih 


And she left, leaving me with his drawings, and diary. I just stayed like that for the next 2 hours, looking through the drawings, and reading his diary. 7beebi kela spelling mistakes, ou badleyat. 

I needed fresh air, I put on my trousers and a shirt. Took my huge black glasses to cover my messed up face, and puffy eyes, and went to the jam3eya to get me 7alaw and kakaw. Just my luck:) Sager. I passed by him well chny shefta. 


Sager: Farah is that you?


Me: eeeh. 


Sager: Shfeech? Laish chthy wayhech chna a7ad 9afgech buksat hahahah


Me: Na3am? Staghfarallah na3am? Na3am? NA3AAM!?? Shtaby mnashebny! eeeh a7ad 9afegny buks! Eeeh 9afgeeny kfouf ba3ad! Ou msharsh7eeny! El denya khalatny baiza ma aswa, hatha elli kent taby tesma3a? Khala9 wakher 3an wayhy. And unintentionally I fell on his arms, crying. 


Sager: Ussshhh, faaraah, uussssh, shfeeech?? 


Me: *crying* I... I just can't 


Sager: Calm down, I can't understand a word your saying... Farah please don't cry


And he wiped the tears from my eyes. Slowly caressing my hair, and lifting it off of my face. And I just poured my heart out, telling him about Wahab, telling him about everything. But I left the " me having cancer" part out of the subject. I just didn't want him to know. He calmed me down southing me with his comforting words. Telling me everything is going to be alright. And surprisingly, it sounded so convincing coming from him. He spent the rest of the day annoying me and 6afering me, with his fail knock knock jokes. And me etde3iying 3layh, and him making fun of me. You know, even with our constant fighting and te6enez gala ba3ath, oh and his ANNOYING personality, I still have fun. weird ay?