One Step At A Time 10

Dear Diary, 


Mom went mia all day, until the clock striked 2 am in the morning I saw her sneaking in the house. I was waiting for her in the estiqbal. When she saw me sitting there, I gave her a fright. 


Mama: Besmillah elra7man elra7eem, what are you doing here?


Me: Your really asking ME? What am I doing at HOME? How about you? Where were you? Up till 2 am in the morning 


Mama: Mat7asbeeeny fahma, ana umech, I question you, not the other way around. 



I wanted to just get to the chase, so I asked her plainly, calmly, and slowly. Waiting for her reply.



Me: Mama, Dad never asked about me? Even after knowing I had cancer?


Mama: no, t3arfeen ubouch


Me: eeeh a3aref ubouy, bss lel2asaf el thaher ma 3eraftech yuma


Mama: What do you mean by that? 


Me: Why did you lie?! WHY! Mom, for gods sake Im dying! The least you could is mend what was between me and dad, rather than making me hate myself and hate him, for not asking about me. All my life 7asait nafsy not good enough, just cause dad never asked about me. I always asked myself why does he hate me?! Why?! But you know what? 6ela3 your the reason, I HATE YOU! DONT EVER TALK TO ME! 



And before I knew it, I got a slap straight across my face, I was shocked, furious. Awal mara in my life I get hit by my own parent. I ran straight to the rooftop and I can hear mom's distant voice screaming my name, and running behind me. I locked the door shut, and spent the night blsa6e7, I always had a pillow and a blanket in a box, just incase I felt like sleeping there at night. I took it out, and laid down on the floor. And cried myself to sleep, you see diary, crying yourself to sleep was a daily routine of mine now. I just wish that once, just once, I would laugh myself to sleep.