One Step At A Time 7

Dear Diary, 



Everyone found out about me having cancer. It was annoying, all I saw on my timeline was الله يشافي فرح الفلاني and ad3eya about me, and how enshallah, I would be all better. I decided to open my ask since it's been almost a week. I was speechless. Just speechless, about what I got. 



"Finally you got cancer?:) Im so glad you got it, now MAYBE just MAYBE you'll change and stop acting like a bitch to people" 


" Omg, I feel so bad for you, maskeena kaaaaaak, 67say with your cancer you freak"


" you don't deserve getting cancer, Jad. I feel sorry for you, hope you get better;*" 


" LOOL you got cancer? You do realize if you die your going straight to hell gala what you did in the past don't you?"


" You poor thing:( 7beeebti, allah yshafeech xx" 


" wallah ma tstahlain:("


" your one of the strongest people I know, keep doing what your doing, ou enshallah you'll get through with all of this drama. I don't judge you, cause I know what you've been through, and I admire you for that, love you babe, get well soon" 



I slammed the laptop screen, and started crying. I cried because I had that fucking marath, I cried because of what the people said about me. I cried because I haven't heard anything yet from my dad. I cried because of all the people that had cancer. I cried, because I was young, because I was young, and it was unfair, and... and well, all I want. Is another chance, another chance to start all over again, and do everything right. But there's no point in regretting anything now, all's said and done. I read what they told me, over and over and over again. I deleted every single question one by one, and clicked on deactivate account. It was that simple, everything they said didn't exist anymore. I might have deleted it from the net. But it was still there, in my mind. Haunting me. I hugged my stuffed hippo, and told him everything. I didn't care if he understood me or not, at least he stayed quiet while I was talking. My eyes were shot red that night, I felt so weak and tired, I mumbled to myself استغفر الله repeatedly hoping that god might actually forgive me for what I have done.