One Step At A Time 6

Dear Diary,


I woke up on the cold floor that morning. Face all sticky and puffy from all crying, and hair all over my face. I felt so tired and weak. Mom came in my room, she looked shocked, seeing me look like a mess on the floor.



Mama: Farah? Why were you sleeping on the floor? Are you okay? You know you can always talk to me about this, Im your mom darling.


And she took a strand of hair and tucked it behind my ear.



Me: Im perfectly fine mom *smiling* cant you see? Latkhafeen 7beebti, nothing's wrong



And I gave her a peck on the cheek. It felt like I was reassuring myself rather than reassuring my mom. I didnt want anyone to feel sorry for me. I was never a pitty case, and I never will be.



Mama: you sure honey?


Me: Positive mom


Mama: enzain do you have any plans today?


Me: No, why?


Mama: Bnrou7 ensawy ta7aleel, ou then khawatech yaboun ee6al3ounch


Me: fine with me



I went out that day with a smile on my face, on my way to go do the tests. I came back home exhausted. My sisters spent all their day with me, we went shopping together. For the first time the 3 of us 6ela3na weya ba3ath. Ou we actually had fun.


Shahad: Im glad we went out


Noura: Yeah, jad.


Shahad lit up a cigerette offering me and Noura one, but she quickly backed away once she remembered.


Shahad: Im sorry, I umm... I didnt mean to offer you one.


I could see that Noura was shooting her a glare


Shahad: Khala9, I'll just stop talking. Im sorry



Noura: Asheel 3anech elchyas? You look tired?


Me: No its okay.


Noura: No really I insist


She reached out to grab the bag but I pulled it away.


Me: Geltlech Im fine.


I said it slowly, trying to hold my anger. I was sick of them treating me like I was a baby. We were walking back to the parking lot so we could get out of this crowded mall. I accidentally hit my leg on a pole. And it bruised. Great. I started bruising so easily now. And guess what? The second my sisters' noticed the bruise. Bedaw.


Noura: Do you want me to take you to the dr?


Shahad: Are you okay 7beebti?



And they kept on going on how worried they were about me. And if I needed anything, I should tell them in a heartbeat.



Me: Stop it! Stop treating me like Im some child, cause Im not! I know how to take care of myself. All of a sudden you guys started caring? Men meta?! Amout wa3aref mn meta?! Remember a few weeks ago, NONE of you even wished me a happy birthday, let alone the fact that you guys NEVER even ask about me. Stop treating me differently just cause I have cancer. That's why I didnt want anyone knowing that I had it. All of you are gonna stare at me, and be like poor Farah, she has cancer. Omg, how is she dealing with all of this. You know what, I dont care if you talk behind my back, as long as none of you change the way you act towards me, bss 3shan chthy. Ana 6oul 3umry kent brou7y, ma7asait ena 3andy um, wela ubouh. Ham khawaty elli uhma khawaty, ma kanaw ys2loun 3any, ma kanaw egouloun yemken ekhetna ga3d tsawy shay ghala6, khal nn9a7ha, wela 3umrkum fakartaw t6l3oun m3ay. Wela ham tdshoun my room ou tg3doun ma3ay.



And Dairy, I just started crying, suddenly I felt a sharp pain through my chest and I could barely breath. My sister's rushed me to the hospital, both of them in tears. Regretting the things they did to me in the past, and begging for my forgivness. It turned out I had breathing difficulties, it was something normal for a luekemia patient. I just had to have a inhaler with me 24/7 and try not to get myself mad. At the end Diary, I forgave them. Maybe this cancer thing did have a bright side to it. I noticed it's been bringing us all back together, finally as a family. But there was one thing missing. I was just waiting for my dad's knock on the door, his phone call, anything. But as usual, nothing. Nothing ever good comes from him, zain mena he remember's my birthday.